The Little Notebook

I was searching through some drawers looking for something or another the other day at the pharmacy when I happened upon a small notebook stashed away in the corner. I pulled the notebook out and found out it was full of quotes from patients at the pharmacy. I've picked the very best ones to share with you. So, without further ado, here they are.

"You've pissed me off now."

"I need my hydrochlorine refilled."

"Are you the druggist? You don't sound like him. (Spoken to a female pharmacist.)"

"I have ammonia." (Perhaps pneumonia?)

"I was really sad when I had to give up square dancing. I don't know which I miss the most - the square dancing or the sex."

"I think my prescription has perspired."

"I suppose this bladder infection has something to do with the terrorism."

"You mean I have to pay for the medicine?"

"What's the best pain reliever for my poop?"

Patient #1: "What's the best thing to give me the runs?"
Patient #2: "Chinese Food."

"I'll just go somewhere else, then, YOU BITCHES!"

"So, how old is your Peter?" (This is why you don't name your son Peter. Or Dick for that matter.)

"I've never had blood pressure before!"

"The doctor didn't know her ass from her butt."

And my personal favorite, spoken by a noticeably pregnant lady:

"My throat is dry. I suppose I'm coughing because the baby is breathing all the air."