Poison Ivy/Moondance

I still have that poison ivy or poison oak or something, and it's spreading. It's dangerously close to my "sensitive" areas, so I went to the doctor (well, nurse practitioner, but whatever) to get it checked out. This weekend was a heavy weekend of camping and jamming up in Walker, MN for my annual vacation to Moondance Jam where I have family nearby. So when the nurse asked me if I had consumed any alcohol in the past 30 days, this is how the conversation went. Bold is what I actually said. Italics are what I'm thinking.

Have you consumed any alcohol in the past 30 days?
Yes Only a little... 2 cases in 3 days is a little, right?

And when you drank, how many drinks did you have?
Oh, somewhere between 14-18, I don't know exactly. 5. Oh shit, 5 is still considered binge drinking.

Ok, do you ever feel the need to drink first thing in the morning?
No Only during Moondance...

Has anyone told you about something you've said or done while drinking that you don't remember?
No Hell yes! Like that time I punched a Canadian in the ribs... Whoops.

Have you ever done something while drinking that you wouldn't normally do?
No Um, duh! Like dancing? I'm totally awesome at dancing when I drink. At least, I think so...

Has your performance in school or work ever been affected by your alcohol consumption?
No Whew, that one's actually true.

Have you ever woken up regretting your alcohol use?
No Oh hell no! Well, maybe that one time I drank Keystone Ice. Biggest headache EVER!

Have you ever felt depressed or "down?" (she actually made the air quote move)
No Only when I have to deal with customers.

So I'm not an alcoholic. Hah! By the way, Moondance is awesome, I totally recommend it. We get drunk before the early concerts, sober up during those, and let the big names rock our socks off. Then we get drunk again next to the fire, and then pass out in the tent. We do it all over again the next day. Awesome.