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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Difference

I had an epiphany the other day. It was about the extreme differences between the average 20-something-year-old "young man" and the 20-something-year-old "young woman." I put those terms in quotes because I don't believe anyone I know my age should be considered anything more than a teenager that... well... drinks as much as a teenager does, but in a different town. There's a subtle difference.

The difference between the 20-something sexes is their definition of "hanging out." Have any of you noticed that girls think guys want to hang out with them to just hang out? They honestly think we hang out with them because we enjoy their company. False. Guys my age do not, I repeat, do not, hang out just to hang out. We want something, and 99% of the time, that something is sex, or a good BJ, we're not too picky. Hell, a PB & J + HJ is usually enough. I have told this to a few girls recently and they just would not believe me. I tried to explain to them that, yes, if a guy wants to just "hang out," that means he wants to seduce you. There are a few exceptions to this, which I will get to.

These "young women" see things differently. If they don't find the male in question attractive, they assume that he doesn't find her attractive. Unless the "young woman" knows she's a bombshell, then she'll just assume everyone wants her. That's a given. But for some reason, most of these girls think that guys are just nice and caring people that don't want to explore the areas under their undergarments. This makes for some confusing and quite awkward moments when the guy goes for it and gets immediately rejected with a "What the fuck?!"

So let's just set the record straight here, and I'm going to be talking to the ladies out there from now on. When guys ask you to hang out, or to come over to his party, that means he's interested in you. The only exceptions are:

-He wants you to get with his friend, who is too cowardly to ask you himself.
-He wants to get with your friend, who he knows you'll bring along.
-He 's your relative (this exception is void in the south).
-You're his friend's girlfriend.

If you say yes and go to this guy's party, he thinks you like him. Period. That's how our brains work. It's not our fault. Now that the guy thinks you like him, this is where it gets messy, and sometimes sticky... (usually not...)

He will then ask you out on an honest-to-goodness date. This will be somewhat difficult for him, if he actually likes you. "What's the worst that could happen?" you ask, "A simple 'No,' and it's over."

Yeah, this is true, but it still fucking sucks. But wait, it's not over.

Now here comes the messy part, the part girls start to complain about. The guy won't give up. He will keep asking you out on dates. The terms "creeper," and "stalker," will be thrown around. For some awful, terrible reason, the guy will think you actually were busy that night, that you had to stay home with your sick dog, or go out with the girls, or even wash your hair. Because honestly, we know Friday nights are prime hair-washing nights.

Guys, I'm talking to you now. If you ask a girl on a date and she says "No," but doesn't say, "but maybe some other time, like this (specific day)?" It means she does not, I repeat, does not, want to date you. Tough luck dude, move on.

Guys don't understand that. A "No," is just a speed-bump. He'll keep building up the courage to ask the girl out and keep getting hit with the "No," for eternity, or until he finds someone better-looking than the girl in question. It's science. It's Darwinism.

The problem is with the perception of "hanging out." Guys refuse to believe girls don't want to fuck them. Girls refuse to believe that guys want to fuck them. This is a nation where most prescribed medications are for depression and pain. Coincidence?


  1. "Research has shown most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all.",2933,547740,00.html
    (not that I condone the use of FoxNews as a news source!)

  2. hahahahaha! you are too funny.

    read it. love it.